16 Things You Must Know about MouseHunt

This is one of the most famous threads circulating the MouseHunt forums. I think it's priceless and has a place on our site. I'm not sure who is the author, but where ever you are, THANK YOU for this heaping slice of genius. Enjoy!

16 Things you MUST know about MouseHunt

1. The Devs Hate You
All problems that you will ever have when playing MouseHunt can be traced back to this single, universal truth. The devs lay awake at night thinking of ways to make your MH life as miserable and profitless as possible. They have a camera next to your computer, and they love watching you grind your teeth in frustration.

2. Trap Setup Means Nothing
It's time to forget about those naysayers who try to tell you that the best way to catch mice is to use the best trap setup available to you. These people are idiots, and they live in a world of "statistical probability" and "sample sizes" and "patience" and "reality", which quite frankly does not lend itself to the pursuit of catching an awesome mouse every single time you hunt. The only way to catch the best mice on a regular basis is to switch up your trap components and your cheese as often as possible, preferably immediately after a hunt fails. More often than not, when you're in the Mousoleum and haven't caught something in the last 4 minutes, it's best to swap out that BG/exp/RB setup for your dependable old Rocketine/target/marble setup. You'll be glad you did.

3. Perpetually Complain About Everything
Remember, people who frequent the forums want to hear about your struggles. Especially relevant to everyone's strategy are the times when a prize mouse eats a piece of your cheese without setting off your trap; this is such a rare occurrence that you'll want to sprint to the forums immediately after it happens and create posts in every section, moaning about how that $500 Leprechaun wasn't snatched up. Oh, and make sure to post about it in the Tech Support section, as well. Chances are, the only reason you didn't catch the mouse is because there was a glitch in the system. The devs will fix this problem immediately and send you a cashier's check in the mail the very next day.

4. The Differences Between the Ambrosial Portal and Sinister Portal are Absolutely Staggering
Just because two traps cost the same amount and have roughly the same attributes does not necessarily mean that they're more or less equally effective in the game. One of these traps is much, much worse than the other. It's laughable. Everyone knows this. You were about to buy that one, weren't you? You moron. You'll never catch anything with that one. Remember when you chose between the Force Field and the DeathBot? You sure made the wrong decision on that one, didn't you? Everyone else you know bought the other trap and they caught so many mice with it that their computer melted. Well, you'd better be more careful this time. The decision you make will determine the course of your success for years to come. Either you will be rolling in gold and points, or you'll be awash in a sea of red boxes for the rest of eternity. Choose wisely.

5. Bump Your Own Threads All the Time
This is a particularly important one if you spend lots of time on the forums and have a propensity for posting things that have an incredible amount of intrinsic value, especially if nobody seems able to grasp how valuable said posts are. Whether you're posting your newest superkewl idea for a hunting area, a contest that nobody in their right mind would ever have any interest in entering, or just another pathetic attempt to get attention, you must make sure to keep these threads from drifting more than five spaces down the first page of posts.

6. Everyone But You Has the Shredded Furoma Map Piece
Yesterday, at 9:43 PM Greenwich Mean Time, Jane Doe from Naperville, Illinois caught a Lycan who dropped the Shredded Furoma Map Piece. She was the second-to-last MH player to not have the map. Even the players who are still hunting in the Meadow have their map piece. Even people who don't have a Facebook account have their map piece. They give those things out in Happy Meals now, for goodness sake. How do you not have a map piece yet? What the hell is wrong with you?

7. You Absolutely Must Have SuperBrie+, but Shouldn't Have to Make Sacrifices to Get It
One common misconception that many players have is that it's possible to catch mice with cheddar, marble, and swiss; and some players even operate under the assumption that Radioactive Blue can be made by mixing regular brie with an RB potion. These are both myths. No matter where you're hunting, what you're trying to catch, what your setup is, or what you want to craft, you must always, always, ALWAYS use SuperBrie+. Just act as if the other cheeses don't even exist. Don't bother donating, either - acquiring your own stash of SB+ is no problem at all. You should expect to pay about 250 gold per piece. Anything higher than that is completely unreasonable, and anyone who sells SB+ to you at an inflated price is nothing but a greedy capitalist pig who worships at the altars of "supply and demand" and "market value", and doesn't understand the well-accepted doctrines of sharing, common ownership, and state control of the means of production. War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.

8. Ronza is Coming in 15 Minutes
Save your gold. Don't upgrade to the next trap yet, even if you have three times as much gold as it would cost. You really need to save your gold for when Ronza comes, which is certainly going to be REALLY soon; even though the devs have given no indication whatsoever that she's coming, and nobody knows what she's going to be selling, and nobody can determine whether or not what she may or may not be selling is even remotely better than what you already have. Save your gold, though. Because Ronza's coming.

9. There are Tons of Crazy Secret Special Things that You Can't Access
What's next after Bristle Woods? Incredible amounts of awesome stuff. You have no idea. The Salt Mines, Hanging Gardens, and Infinite Desert are just the beginning. You haven't lived until you've caught a Jaguar Mouse in the Rainforest with your Chainsaw Array/Frictionless Vessel/Gorgonzola setup. So many people are in the loop with these new areas, it's certain to make the rest of you jealous. And the only way you will ever be able to see any of these fantastic new areas, mice, and traps is by whining non-stop about how there are no new areas, mice, and traps.

10. The Last Hour's Hunts Always Provides You with Enough Information to Make an Accurate Judgment
You're in the Lab. It's 8:15, and you haven't had caught anything since 7:15. There is only one course of action: get the hell out of there. The mice are all gone.

11. Never Read Other Posts on the Forums
It's highly unlikely that anyone but you has ever had the question that you are about to ask. Just go ahead and throw that question about the Training Grounds up on the forums without a second thought, even if there are eleven posts on the first page of Mouse Lore and Hunting Strategy with the phrase "TG" or "Training Grounds" in the subject field. There's no way they're about the same thing as what you're thinking of.

12. Beg
The folks who have more points, gold, and SB+ than you are always willing to just cough up their stash to whoever comes along asking for it. This is and has always been the best way to accumulate wealth. Also, there's no faster method for gaining respect among your fellow MH players than by publicly admitting you are too lazy and impatient to make your way through the game without an inordinate amount of assistance. It's been a long day, and you deserve a free ride. Hands out, palms up.

13. Everyone in Mouse Lore & Hunting Strategy Wants to Read Your Post
Some folks will try to tell you that the ML&HS section of the forums is no place to advertise your newly-discounted stash of SB+, but they're just the vocal minority. Since ML&HS has the highest volume of new threads, it's always best to post whatever you have to say in there rather than in sections where your post would be "appropriate". Contests don't go in the "Events and Competitions" section; they go in ML&HS. Complaining endlessly about your last day's worth of catches doesn't go in "Cheese & Whine"; that should go in ML&HS, too. You'd have to scroll slightly down to get to Ideas and Feature Suggestions, so just post those in ML&HS. Your dog threw up on the carpet? ML&HS.

14. Item Descriptions are Completely Arbitrary and Unhelpful
Hey, so some loot you've never seen before just got dropped! Or a new trap was released! Or you just crafted some new cheese! Exciting times! Now, the big question is, what does it do? Where on God's green earth could you possibly discover this information? All items come with their own descriptions loaded directly into the game that you could read, but they're all written in the King's English and therefore are undecipherable to the naked eye. Even then, the text written in said descriptions never describes or hints at what it's used for, and you certainly don't have time to experiment. You'd better head over to the forums and make a new post about it. In ML&HS.

15. All MouseHunt Players Have Psychic Powers and Access to the Source Code
Before new content comes out, make sure to sprint to the forums and ask early and often about what exactly the new content entails. Everyone on the forums knows absolutely everything about every single update before the update is ever released, so asking a question about the new content that nobody could possibly know the answer to UNLESS they were clairvoyant is a great way to find out everything your inquisitive mind yearns to comprehend. Otherwise, the only way to make proper, well-informed conclusions on new aspects of the game would be to wait for the new content to be released, actually play the game, and try out the new aspects yourself. Screw that.

16. The Big Purple "LORE" Button Does Not Actually Exist
Sadly, there is no great , extremely user-friendly storehouse of MouseHunt information that you can access any time, and the devs have no interest in creating one. The "LORE" button is just a placeholder image. There's nothing there. Just ignore it.